The term 'Toxic Relationship' has been tossed around in normal conversations by so many, often, having no clue of how deep this problem is. From the word 'toxin', it's a form of poison or venom causing diseases to anything it gets in contact with it. If I may use this extreme analogy, this is what being in a toxic relationship does to someone. It can bring stress, anxiety and depression. It's a relationship where the persons involved don't support one another, often bringing each other down.
When you've invested your time, energy and your entire self into a partnership, it may be difficult to spot the signs that it's toxic. Either you might not see what it really is or you choose to ignore and brush off the huge red flags you’ve noticed along the way.
Toxic relationships don't happen overnight. It's a series of occurrences that somehow continued, even intensified, in malice of the effects on the persons involved.
SIGNS YOU'RE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
WALKING ON EGGSHELLS
Are you worried that your partner will criticise your cooking, again? Are you scared that an argument will happen when you ask them if you can have a night out? Are you afraid that at any moment, whether it's because of a messy house, their lack of sleep, or you bringing up expenses, that your partner will ‘go off’ at you?
This is the feeling of walking on eggshells. If you often feel that you have to restrict your words or change your actions around your partner, just so they won't raise their voice or get angry, then you may be in a toxic relationship.
STONEWALLING
If your partner is constantly shutting you down when you try to bring up something that's bothering you, that's called stonewalling. What happens here is you build up enough courage to approach your partner to talk and perhaps come to a resolution, and they just don’t want to listen. Being unresponsive, looking at something else like their phone, instead of you or straight up walking away, are big red flags.
Your partner may have their reasons for not wanting to have the conversation at that moment, but if this always happens and you don't seem to get your voice heard, then this is a toxic relationship.
CRITICISM AND CONTEMPT
Criticisms coming from a positive place is healthy for a relationship. However, if the criticism has a tone of contempt or disdain, then it's most probably because your partner wants you to feel that you're not good enough.
Constant criticisms is also a sign of a toxic relationship. Nobody wants to be criticised all the time because this can then make you feel as though you can't do anything right.
INSULTS DISGUISED AS JOKES
Does your partner always make belittling comments at you and make claims that they are just joking? "Your job is not a real job. A first grader can do that. Just joking.", "You know you can miss a meal or ten. Have you seen the mirror lately? Just joking."
Whether it’s towards what you do, your appearance or how you think, if these comments make you feel upset, then they are subtle insults disguised as jokes to make you look like you're overreacting. The real jokes make you laugh and feel included, but toxic ones make you feel isolated, powerless and worthless.
JEALOUSY AND ACCUSATIONS
Trust is a crucial ingredient to a healthy relationship. A bit of jealousy is an added spice. However, if there is extreme and constant jealousy between the two of you, then it can be a toxic relationship. The endless questions of where you've been or who you're with, the hundreds of text messages and calls a day to check up on you, and your partner getting upset every time you talk to another person are some signs of extreme jealousy.
Usually partnered with jealousy are the accusations. If your partner unreasonably accuses you consistently, then there is no trust. If there is no trust in your relationship, it is important to seek help.
FEELING DRAINED AND EXHAUSTED
Trying to predict someone else's mood changes is tiring. It gets exhausting when you do it over and over again. If you feel like your relationship is sucking the energy out of you, then this can be toxic. In a normal, healthy relationship, you will feel relaxed most of the time. But, if there are far more periods that are exhausting and draining, then you may want to take a step back.
Being in a toxic relationship may manifest physically. Your body can take a toll because of the high levels of stress it brings and you can become ill. Pay close attention to your physical health. If you're always sick without other outside factors, then the toxic relationship is starting to consume you.
SELF-NEGLECT
It is normal in a relationship to take care of your partner. The problem will arise if you always put yourself last because your partner demands to be your top priority. Suddenly, you are not practising self-care because you're exhausted. You don't get to do what you love because it's always about pleasing your partner and doing only what they want. You neglect yourself because your partner is too needy.
These are just some of the signs that should watch out for. Being in a toxic relationship is never good for anyone as it's difficult for anything to work in a toxic environment. It may affect you personally, your partner and even the people around you. So if you see these signs in your relationship, you may want to pause and think real hard if it's all worth it.
Ultimately, it all boils down to having genuine and lasting happiness, not the kind that you feel once in a while when your partner has been 'good'. If you're thinking of ending the relationship because you don't feel happy anymore, then it may be time to do so.
Related Tag: Family Lawyers Tweed Heads