Having a baby dramatically changes your life. As new parents, one of the most common challenges you will face is how to keep your relationship with your partner sweet, close and healthy, the way it was when it was just the two of you. The transition from being a couple to becoming parents is often a journey full of emotional, mental, and physical ups and downs.
Gone are the days when you would only think about what you and your partner would do on a Saturday night. Now, there is this beautiful, tiny (but equally demanding) human that has joined your circle. Suddenly, the priority shifts from you and your partner to your child. In spite of all of this, many couples still choose to have children because, although it's incredibly challenging, it can also be very fulfilling and can bring a unique kind of joy to your lives.
HOW TO KEEP A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP AFTER HAVING A BABY
ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THIS STAGE IS DIFFICULT FOR BOTH OF YOU
Sit down with your partner and together, recognise that this stage is hard. If you need to express your frustration, vent and cry to your partner and let it all out, by all means, do so. This can help you unload your feelings and come back as a parent fully charged. If your partner comes to you to do this, do not judge. Acknowledge their feelings and express your support. It will help if you say that you also get frustrated and exhausted so they won't feel alone.
If one of you transitioned more smoothly than the other, avoid making the other feel inadequate by making snide comments like “You're doing it all wrong.” or “It may be better if I just change the nappy.” or “Why are you having such a hard time? It was easy when I did it." Comments like these can build resentment towards the relationship and even the baby. Instead, you can say "I changed the nappy this way one time, and it made it so much easier. Let's try it."
Remember that you are doing this together. You share the challenges together, and you overcome them together.
YOU ARE FRIENDS. ALWAYS BE NICE TO ONE ANOTHER
It is easy to snap and be angry when you are exhausted. The late night feedings, sleep deprivation, and being stuck in the house can make you feel extraordinarily dissatisfied and grumpy. Unfortunately, at the receiving end of the hostility is each other. You can say hurtful things that you don't actually mean when you are tired.
When you feel like you are at your wit's end, take a couple of minutes away from all the chaos. Breathe and remember that before the baby, you are, more than anything else, best friends with your partner. They are your ally. Being nice and kind to each other can keep the environment zen and relaxed. Avoid raising your voice at one another. Instead, approach each other with the intent to show care, support and love.
STAY INTIMATE. CONNECT PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY
Make opportunities to stay physically close one another. Cuddle, hug, kiss and hold each other's hands every day. A loving touch can do wonders for an exhausted soul. It says you are not alone in the journey. It shows support for each other and that it's all right to feel disheartened at times because you have each other's backs.
Intimacy is not limited to just physical contact. It can be a look you give your partner saying how proud of them you are. It can be those few minutes together, sipping your coffee, talking about your baby's first smile. It can be the time you share together putting the baby to sleep or those little notes that you give your partner affirming what a great parent they are. It is saying nice things to each other every day to boost each other's confidence.
Little things like these make a difference in keeping your love alive. Remember that being new parents doesn’t have to be a drag for your relationship. In fact, it can be a test that you will pass with flying colours. It can even make your partnership much stronger, especially now that you have a bigger goal to achieve, that is to raise this beautiful child whom you created together.
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