The saying that time flies only started making sense to me after the birth of my daughter. It seems like only yesterday that my wife and I were driving to the hospital to prepare for her birth. Now, we’ve wrapped up her second birthday party and are planning what outfit she will be wearing for Halloween this year (picture of her first outfit with her bestie is attached below)!
I’ve therefore been finding myself wondering where these last two years have gone and whether I took every opportunity to take in those precious moments.
It is with this in mind that I reflect on what have been the most important lessons I have learnt in the first two years of becoming a first-time Dad and what I wish I had known to have better capitalised on this special period of my family’s life. Hopefully these lessons will assist other first time Dads (and Mums) in taking advantage also.
Everything changes (whether it’s good or bad is up to you)
I am sure every first-time parent anticipates that life will be different. However, it’s not until your child comes along that you actually realise that life really changes, and this change can be a challenge and difficult to adjust to.
Change is a part of everyday life however having a child would have to be one of the biggest changes anyone will go through, and it certainly was for me. Every facet of your life changes from the small (like what time you wake up in the morning to which restaurants you can no longer go to because they don’t have a high chair) to the big (like having to always put yourself second to being more financially responsible for everything you do).
My advice is to embrace it and the quicker you do the better. Sure, you won’t be able to sleep in like you used to, or eat at those restaurants you liked, or keep your house as clean as you’ve grown accustomed to, or keep your beloved personal belongings in one piece. But the thing is, sleep is overrated, you can get UberEATS, you can clean up mess and you fix or replace things that are broken.
Embrace the change. Don’t let it get the better of you. Not only will you be a better person but your relationship with your child and your partner will be better off for it.
You will need to put in a little more effort into your relationship
A child is a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week, 365 day a year commitment and it only gets more and more demanding as they get older. Gone are the days when you and your partner would spend hours sun baking on the beach, going on spontaneous drives down the coast or just lying in bed that extra hour (or two). These are no longer a thing and because they are no longer a thing that quality time you spent with one another becomes fewer and far between. Therefore, you need to put in a little more effort in to make sure you don’t entirely lose those fun times you had with one another.
My advice, plan ahead and make sure you have couples time alone to do the things you enjoy. Whether it’s planning a dinner or a movie, try and make it happen every so often. Sure, you’ll be looking at your phone every 2 minutes to see whether your babysitter has called but despite this you’ll realise that life beyond 'The Wiggles’ still exists and that you can still enjoy how it used to be from time to time.
Because in the end, a happy relationship means a happy family and having more enjoyable times to remember.
Patience is a virtue
Maybe its the lack of sleep coupled with the stress of day-to-day life, but all first time parents forget that children have no idea of the ways of the world. I guarantee you there are going to be times when you ask yourself “why won’t you stop crying?”, “why don’t you just go to sleep?” or “why won’t you do what I say?” The reason why is because they have no idea, literally.
Children, especially young ones don’t know how to speak our language (just yet anyway), they don’t know body language, they don’t even know what feelings are or that they are in fact experiencing them.
My advice, you need to be patient. Don’t get mad when they won’t stop crying or when they tip their plate of food onto the floor. Instead, learn about empathy. Be empathetic to their situation and put yourself in their position. Their little bodies are pulling them in a 1000 different directions all at once and without an ability to regulate or understand why.
It will be hard at first, but exercising patience will make you a better parent. It will make you learn and make you expand your mind and your heart.
The love you feel is like no other
Being a father has changed me for the better. It is an unbelievable feeling to watch something that you created with the person you love grow into a little human and learn life’s lessons.
All of those sleepless nights, all the sacrifices you make quickly vanish with that smile, that laugh, that first time they say ‘Daddy’, that first time they understand the meaning of a hug and squeeze back.
Whilst there is a big change there is literally nothing better than being a Father. I don’t care what anyone says. So, realise it now, apply the above lessons and don’t let anymore of those minutes slip away.
Halloween 2017.
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