“There is no single raindrop responsible for the flood”

Quote the above phrase to any couple who has separated and the majority will agree that with the benefit of hindsight, it was a combination of issues which caused the relationship to come to an end. However, rewind the clock and quote the same phrase when they were at the height of their separation and you’ll get a much different answer, generally that it was just one main issue which caused the break up.

When you realise that in the majority of cases relationships end due to a combination of problems as opposed to just one, it makes it easier to be able to look out for the signs in your own relationship and be able to address the issues before ‘the dam breaks’.

The questions becomes however, when you see the signs do you want to try and make it work or do you call it quits?

Whether you do or you don’t, its important to be realistic about what it might mean for everyone, particularly when children are involved.

Try and make it work or call it quits?

Its human nature that relationships change as the days and years go by. The reality of real life kicks in when those initial care free years are over and family routine becomes the norm. Throw in a child or two and a family pet for good measure and that is when the real fun begins!

This is unfortunately however when couples start to see things that they didn’t see before that they don’t like about each other or have different ideas about raising children which causes conflict to creep in.

Its therefore important to identify when issues are mounting up and if so it can help to:

Be realistic - About what it is that you expect from yourself and your partner. Things that you were used to before may not be realistic to occur in a relationship now.
Think - About the issue/s as and when they occur and ask yourself “Is it significant in the bigger scheme of things? Or is this something that is being blown out of proportion because of such factor as tiredness, stress, restlessness, even hunger?”
Talk - Talk out the issue with your partner as opposed to letting it fester. Speaking about issues not only takes it off your mind but it is also the quickest way to resolve them. Trust me, your partner wants to talk about it as much as you do!
Not ‘play the blame game’ - As much as you like to think you are right 100% of the time, the reality is you’re not. Try not to jump to the automatic conclusion that your partner is in the wrong.
Seek help - If you are struggling to resolve issues yourself talking with your general practitioners is a good place to start. Counsellors can also help you work out how best to help you and your family.

Where there are children

As mentioned previously, the landscape changes when children are a part of the family, and that definitely applies when it comes to the question of separation.

Children have no say in the issue of separation and it is generally them who suffer the most as a result. All children respond differently (depending on their age and temperament) however the majority of children feel responsible for the break-up so it’s important to be aware of this when thinking separation.

This is not me saying that you have to stay in a relationship just because children are involved. However, it is me saying that you brought them into the world and not the other way around. They have a right a loving family unit so they deserve that you try hard for their sake.

Where domestic violence is present

Violence in a relationship or family is never justified and people subject to or exposed to domestic violence have a right to be safe. Where violence is present, separation or divorce can sometimes be the only way to keep safe and start a new life. Please seek immediate help from the Police, a Lawyer or other experienced persons if you or your children are subject to domestic violence.